Because this might just get turned into a movie someday.Tumblr (3.0; @ronanchua)http://ronanchua.com/<p>I cannot die yet. I haven’t found the song/music to play during the wake, the funeral march (to the crematorium), and the moment where they throw my ashes to the sea. I cannot die yet because I have no golden anniversary marriage story to leave behind for people to praise. Nor do I have children, much less a legacy. I can’t die yet because I cannot even find a half-decent date I can get along with. I cannot die yet because I have a lot to reconcile. I cannot die yet because I have a heavy heart. I can’t die yet because I am still not me. I cannot die yet because I dunno how to live. I cannot die yet because I haven’t saved the world. I cannot die yet because I haven’t saved you. I cannot die yet because I haven’t saved me. I cannot die yet. I cannot save me. And when I do save me, I will not die. I just cannot die yet. Even if it kills me.</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/407138373http://ronanchua.com/post/407138373Tue, 23 Feb 2010 23:48:00 +0800<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ky6wrfLbOd1qzuctuo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Someone in Dalaran was bragging. And all I could do was look at the beautiful mount. It’s okay. That mount doesn’t look good on a gnome anyway. But if I get one, of course I’ll use it!</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/402503851http://ronanchua.com/post/402503851Sun, 21 Feb 2010 19:47:39 +0800<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ky3jxaUVZD1qzuctuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Cleaning up after the wipe…</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/398753454http://ronanchua.com/post/398753454Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:17:34 +0800<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ky3jw8gwls1qzuctuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Preparing for a wipe…</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/398752708http://ronanchua.com/post/398752708Sat, 20 Feb 2010 00:16:56 +0800<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kxrjz4qXT31qzuctuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Happy first birthday Sabel! Sigh. My baby’s growing up so fast!</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/386660714http://ronanchua.com/post/386660714Sat, 13 Feb 2010 12:47:00 +0800<object width="400" height="336"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/rGyGUB9oeh4&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/rGyGUB9oeh4&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="336" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>And it’s so cute to watch it eat all those random tiny critters! And every time it eats, it gets a bit bigger after every meal! Yii! Too bad I can’t name it. Hmmm.</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/380896429http://ronanchua.com/post/380896429Wed, 10 Feb 2010 09:18:00 +0800<object width="400" height="336"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/uHF3X8tQYPU&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/uHF3X8tQYPU&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="336" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>Oh la la!</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/373628562http://ronanchua.com/post/373628562Sat, 06 Feb 2010 13:48:39 +0800<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kx46l4KYdB1qzuctuo1_400.png"/><br/><br/><p>And here is Kakagaga holding the <b>Quel’Delar, Lens of the Mind!</b></p>http://ronanchua.com/post/363198032http://ronanchua.com/post/363198032Sun, 31 Jan 2010 21:53:28 +0800<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kx3wr1H29i1qzuctuo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p>Yesterday, I was lucky enough to best my party at a need roll (with a difference of one) when this mob dropped the Battered Hilt. I did the quest this morning and I am now a proud owner of a Quel’Delar, Lens of the Mind! Epic!</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/363001382http://ronanchua.com/post/363001382Sun, 31 Jan 2010 18:21:00 +0800<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwt63l4y4O1qzuctuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Breaking news! After starting my WoW adventure last December 23, 2009, I am proud to say that my first toon, a busty gnome mage called Kakagaga, is now level 80 and so eager to gear up and get ready for raiding with her guild!</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/352686480http://ronanchua.com/post/352686480Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:09:21 +0800<p>Back then there was this Berlin Wall between my mouth and bad words. The first time I said a bad word aloud. It wasn’t even an evil cuss. Just a permutation of a local word for stupid. <i>Tanga</i>. At age ten, the evils of my world were bad words and cigarettes. Porn was fine. But bad words? No fuckin’ way.</p> <p>I remembered practicing internally. I would say bad words over and over in my head until I could muster to open my mouth. But the moment I do, nothing comes out. The farthest I went would be lipping the word. To myself. Pathetic. The one time I got really pissed over a classmate in school, in all my rage I called him “son of a peach!” You had no idea how much a gift Meredith Brook’s first hit song was to me.</p> <p>In one Shake, Rattle & Roll installment (yes the movie, I watch it every time in cinemas like tradition - get over it), Gina Alajar had a very endearing character that said “pucha” in every sentence. Sometimes two per. I liked it. It felt soft and it felt like something that won’t make me sound bad. For the next two hours I would say “pucha” in every sentence. It died down when my mom told me what it meant.</p> <p>Seventeen years later, I still don’t really say bad words. A jolt akin to guilt chills the tips of my spine when I let out even one in a sigh. Seventeen years later the evils of my ten year-old world weren’t so bad after all. I didn’t imagine growing up with mostly bad words to say about the bigger evils around us right now. I was taught to shut up when I had nothing nice to say. But they’re just dying to fuckin’ come out.</p> <p>Maybe that’s why I became a writer.</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/318274012http://ronanchua.com/post/318274012Wed, 06 Jan 2010 00:27:00 +0800<p>Ask me anything <a href="http://formspring.me/Ronan" target="_blank"><a href="http://formspring.me/Ronan" target="_blank">http://formspring.me/Ronan</a></a></p>http://ronanchua.com/post/286153749http://ronanchua.com/post/286153749Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:41:20 +0800formspring.me<p>And it will wake me from all this madness. It will mean everything in that moment. And then it will leave me a new emptiness to fill. Oust the rhythm of loneliness. With the melody of moments. New choices, sacrifices, and pain. And most importantly, love. After that, after all said and that, will it save me from all this sadness? Or is it all just part of this madness?</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/283283810http://ronanchua.com/post/283283810Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:29:31 +0800<p>A once-very-important person in my life presented an idea he believed in, late at night, curled under sheets, warmed by our skin. He said that we strive to be different from our parents but it is an inevitability that in doing so, we grow right into them. Maybe this was true because later on he had left me like how his parents left one another. And here I am still holding on to the last traces and remnants of the sensation we used to share like how my parents sort out their lives and ours, together. All by myself.</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/283234362http://ronanchua.com/post/283234362Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:34:00 +0800<object width="400" height="336"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kG4AV6kLrKY&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kG4AV6kLrKY&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="336" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>Thirst is reminiscent of the Vampire Chronicles’ forbidden allure with every moment real as it is magical as it is in terror. In one word, beautiful. In another, sinful. Irreverently irresistible.</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/281057108http://ronanchua.com/post/281057108Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:04:00 +0800<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kuh0085rvA1qzuctuo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Lunch at Paseo Uno. Rain on the pavement. Sympathy from the sky.</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/278473277http://ronanchua.com/post/278473277Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:19:19 +0800<p>… You crash, shatter, and scatter all over. What do you do after?</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/277578417http://ronanchua.com/post/277578417Thu, 10 Dec 2009 22:41:34 +0800““I’m talking in circles. I’m lying, they know it. Why won’t this just all go away?””<br/><br/> - <em>“Cry” by Kelly Clarkson</em>http://ronanchua.com/post/277165616http://ronanchua.com/post/277165616Thu, 10 Dec 2009 13:37:09 +0800<object width="400" height="336"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/YybzsAdZdIA&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/YybzsAdZdIA&rel=0&egm=0&showinfo=0&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="400" height="336" allowFullScreen="true" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>When Madonna released “Hung Up” in 2005, little did I know how relevant and lasting its impact on me will be.</p>http://ronanchua.com/post/276911598http://ronanchua.com/post/276911598Thu, 10 Dec 2009 10:21:51 +0800<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kud21pcUQx1qawdgto1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>(via <a href="http://marlonnrivera.tumblr.com/" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">marlonnrivera</a>)</p> Really love this!http://ronanchua.com/post/275362596http://ronanchua.com/post/275362596Wed, 09 Dec 2009 09:18:08 +0800